Toxicity and HI-larity

My girl and I were speaking on the phone a few nights ago. I'd called to apologize for having been a shit to her the night before and the conversation that ensued, as many of our grown up conversations do, started with disclosure on both our parts, got us to and through the learning and then into the laughing. She began telling me the story of the lengths to which she went at one point when I moved out of her house to cleanse me from her heart, mind, and psyche. She was hurt by the fact that we would not be having the Capital R relationship for which she longed, and the fact that I was in love with a new boy also ripped her up. So, she regularly recounted all of my sins as she went about her day, and she focused on how toxic I was for her.

A Dominant male with whom she was engaged suggested that she take a course of vitamins meant to help cleanse her liver, which she did for a couple of weeks, hoping that getting the toxicity out of her physical self would purge it from her other self. It apparently didn't work. I was still there inside her.

So, she finally just decided to call me.

And, when she did, that time, I heard the change in her voice and knew that she'd traveled the path she needed to travel and that maybe we could build a friendship that wasn't based in her dependency.

But, boy howdy, when I learned that someone had gone to all that trouble to get me out of her system, I have to say that I was flattered. And highly amused. I groaned to remember a similar time in my life, when I tried everything I could to unlove someone. It was not fun. It took me a LONG time to heal. Nothing I did externally mattered. Duh. Another inside job.

When she told me that she actually took VITAMINS to get me gone, I was laughing in a major way. I said, "Honey that is HI-larious!" Then she told me I was a jackass, and what the hell was HI-larious about it and why the hell was I saying HI-larious?

I explained that the word, "hilarious," is not intrinsically funny, but when you twang it a bit and put a big emPHASis on the HI part, it's a damned funny word, and the fact that the vitamins didn't work and I was still there, well, dang, that IS HI-larious. I think she should ask for a refund.

And then, she was compelled to confess something that made me nearly wet my britches. When she went online to purchase this panacea for toxicity, she had credit card fraud on her account, which resulted in someone else stealing from her account. Now, THAT is toxic...AND Hi-larious.