Last night, I had the worst sex in recent memory. It made me call on my mantra as a comic writer: life is either good or good material. I will say first that, despite the bad sex, I had a great time, because the perpetrator of the badness was a nice guy, completely unaware of his lack of competence. (Note to self: write SOON about the hilarity and the synergistic affects of unconscious incompetence).
First, the kiss. Kissing is elemental in the sexual/sensual dance in my world. It is the first place wherein we learn how our partner (or prospective partner) listens, adapts, leads and follows. We also learn how much imagination the individual employees, and how aware of his/her body s/he is.
Boy du jour got started by not making any attempt to kiss me or to make physical contact on meeting. Given that this was a sexual hookup, I found that odd. Although I'm a Dominant in the BDSM world, when I'm in a vanilla space, I tend to hang back a bit and watch to see how people orient. It's a little bit like a vacation, I just want to see where someone wants to go. I don't always assume I'm driving. He continued to not touch me as we laid on the bed. It wasn't that he wasn't attracted, he was just clearly clueless of how to behave. That's the point at which I refuse to save someone. Incompetence is not something I reward. I was already amused.
An hour later after long funny conversations, I began nodding off, so I assume he caught a clue. Coming in for The Kiss, he resembled a drive by shooter, swooping in with a blast of tongue wiggling and then racing off. I couldn't get him to engage with lips or mouth with any kind of flow. Like dancing with someone who has both no sense of rhythm AND is hearing different music in his head.
Poor guy also neglected to tell me that he has some E.D. issues. High blood pressure, and poor health overall, I'd guess. Continuing to laugh inside...much attention to his manhood yielded no good result. I take that personally, not being able to help in that respect! After more driveby kissing, he decided to please me with his hand. (Isn't that sex 101?) He could not kiss me and use his fingers at the same time. Kinda like the organ, I can't manage two hands and a foot pedal.
How the heck can someone get to be an adult and still be THAT poor a lover?
Don't answer that. I don't want to know.
1 comment:
That's really too bad. There seem to be a lot of people out there [mostly men I think] who have no idea on how to act when confronted with the need to act romantically/sexually. This is one more reason why Women should lead.
john
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