Listening Through the Silence

As a verbal, wordy, reasonably articulate person who is blessed and cursed with clarity most all the time (with notable lapses!), one of my biggest communications challenges is relating to those for whom words are NOT the effortless form of expression I know them to be. As a Dominant, in an intimate engagement, I rely on my ability to get inside someone's head, their heart, and deeper still if our energies work together to make that possible. Certainly, words are an essential vehicle to facilitate that drive. But, when the other cannot call forth words...?

There are a LOT of ways to listen. I pretty much do the world through my ears. Taking words out of the equation, I am forced to employ my weakest sense, my eyes. I always pay some level of visual attention, but truthfully, my visual acuity is laughable. In the silence, however, my eyes wake up. I see textures, I watch (in addition to hear) breathing. I scrutinize facial expression.

My second most finely tuned sense is my visceral/kinesthetic sense. When words go away, I deeply rely on my gut. I love operating with this sense as primary. It is amazing, so long as the person that I am "hearing" is energetically on a wave length onto which I can grab, that's a gift. I appreciate the challenge of the silent language, and I confess my worry that I will miss something.

As a D, confessing an insecurity is vexsome. There's a balance between imbuing a feeling of security for one's s and in speaking a truth. Setting expectations is important. "I need for you to stay at least present enough to give me some mileposts along this journey. I know words are not going to hold you in good stead, so you need to find another way to speak to me. If you do not, I will stop." And so the dance becomes much more subtle. A touch of a hand on my arm, very light, a flex of muscles, toward me, away from me. A call and response, asked and answered. Sweet.

Still, I am edgy to HEAR the words. And always, I am grateful for the lesson.